We’ve been taught boundaries wrong.
And it’s costing us connection.

We’ve been told boundaries are about saying “no.”
About standing up for ourselves.
About telling people what they can’t do.

But here’s the thing —
if you’ve ever been on the receiving end of that kind of boundary…
you probably didn’t want to engage with that person again, did you?

Trying to change someone else’s behaviour is a losing game.
And withdrawing completely to keep the peace doesn’t work either.

I was talking about this with Wendy Cole, a productivity coach in Australia.
I coach leadership from the other side of the world…
and yet, we’re seeing the same struggle in high performers everywhere:

Smart, capable professionals unsure how to hold boundaries without guilt or distance.

Here’s the new paradigm we’re seeing:

𝗕𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 = 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲
✅ Boundaries protect energy and relationships.
✅ Boundaries are bridges for trust, focus, and a life that feels like yours.
✅ They’re clearest when rooted in self-respect, not control.
✅ Saying yes has its place, and discernment builds credibility.
✅ If it feels uncomfortable, that’s not failure. That’s growth.

𝗕𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 = 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆
✅ They’re commitments you make to yourself.
✅ They can evolve and can be renegotiated with maturity.
✅ Nuance matters. Flexibility isn’t weakness — it’s wisdom.
✅ Under pressure, practice steadying words.
✅ Own your emotions and ask with curiosity, not blame

Boundaries aren’t walls.
They’re relationship tools.
They shape how you show up and how others experience you.

They take courage.
They take care.
And they build the kind of trust that lasts.